oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
