Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
