It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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