It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I'm really busy with my period
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