I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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