I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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