Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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