Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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