I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
