She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
