Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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