woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
