i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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