I'm going to jail i love you
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
