yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
