i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
