It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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