never play flip cup with pint glasses
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
