"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
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