the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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