making cat noises will not fix the situation.
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
