so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
i need some magic done to my vagina
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
