Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
