this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
