Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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