So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
