Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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