Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
