she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
