It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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