Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
