Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Randomize
