I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
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