This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
