Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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