True but thats because hes a fetus.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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