great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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