went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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