who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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