she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
