Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
