No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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