he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
