I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
