There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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