There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
