If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
