I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
