also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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