you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
