I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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