Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
