I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
