I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
