like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
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