I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Randomize
