do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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