i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
