remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize