I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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