I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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