...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
this hospital has no fireball
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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