Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
