I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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