I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
never play flip cup with pint glasses
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
