lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
