Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This is classic penis vs brain.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
