Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
