Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
