i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
