Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Randomize
