It's like God shit irony all over that family
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
