I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
