mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
