and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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