Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
