Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
