no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
