How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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