the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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