I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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