No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
