I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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