are you still at the devil's house?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Randomize
