How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize
