The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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