just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Randomize
