Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I smell like Dick and happiness
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
