Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
