dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
