Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
