i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Randomize
