If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
