did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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