there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
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