is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
