i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
