And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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