Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
