my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Randomize
