We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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